Noah’s Ark

Noah’s Ark Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah’s Ark…
ONE: Don’t miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
FOUR: Stay fit. When you’re 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
SIX: Build your future on high ground.
SEVEN: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you’re stressed, float awhile.
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

Quarterback for the Green Bay Packers

Source unknown – received by e-mail with a million forwards.

Quarterback for the Green Bay Packers 

In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting Quarterback (QB) for the Packers this coming Sunday. Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers.

During this period of time she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable with other terminology of the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.

Does this sound idiotic and unbelievable to you?

Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed. She has never run a City, County, or State.  In fact she’s never had to make a payroll!

When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has eight years in the white house, Dick Morris stated “so has the pastry chef.”

Halloween Comedy

Halloween Jokes and Halloween Quotes

Halloween Jokes and Halloween Quotes From Various Places Around WordPress.com

Halloween Jokes

Halloween Quotes

Halloween Jokes

Joke of the Day

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Funny Quotes

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.
– Rita Rudner

Love Quotes

Kurt is up in heaven now

Kurt is up in heaven now

I am, incidentally, Honorary President of the American Humanist Association, having succeeded the late, great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov in that totally functionless capacity. We had a memorial service for Isaac a few years back, and I spoke and said at one point, “Isaac is up in heaven now.” It was the funniest thing I could have said to an audience of humanists. I rolled them in the aisles. It was several minutes before order could be restored. And if I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, “Kurt is up in heaven now.” That’s my favorite joke.

~ Kurt Vonnegut

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