Funny Jokes – The State Mental Hospital

Funny Jokes

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done …..Your turn!)

Funny Stories

Mother’s Day Quotes

Mother’s Day Quotes

Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother–she looks like my father.
– Tony Randall

The child had his mother’s eyes, his mother’s nose, and his mother’s mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.
– Robert Benchley

Mother’s Day Quotes

Mothers mold the children’s minds. Some of you have done well. There are a lot of moldy-minded kids around.
– Norm Crosby

Mother Quotes

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
– Erma Bombeck

Mother’s Day Jokes

You Know You Have Become a Mother When…

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth even though your children are at school!

You start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you’ve reached over and started to cut up his steak!

Dream Quotes

“Only as high as I reach can I grow

Only as far as I seek can I go

Only as deep as I look can I see

Only as much as I dream can I be.”

Karen Ravn

Dean Hunt

Famous Quotes – Dean Hunt Quotes – Marketing Quotes

“Here is the secret that no other viral marketers seem to understand… getting 10,000 visitors of which 20% are targeted is BETTER than getting 100 visitors where 100% are targeted.”

Dean Hunt in answer to the question

But Dean, what advantage can an off-topic quiz have for a marketing blog?

Dean Hunt wrote recently about an experiment he conducted with a stupid quiz and how social media helped him move that quiz to the top of the Stumbleupon rankings for the marketing category.

If you do visit Deans site, be sure to watch out for killer bunnies.

Valentine’s Day Related Posts and Articles

Valentine Recipes

Valentine Recipes

Valentine’s Heart’s Desire Pizza

Valentine’s Cupid’s Kabobs

Valentine Heart Cupcakes

Valentine Jokes

Valentine Joke

Valentine Jokes

Funny Valentine Jokes

Valentine Jokes

Valentine Quotes

Valentine Quotes

Valentine Quotes

Valentine Quotations

The Cabbage and The Rose

The question of common sense is “what is it good for?” A question which would abolish the rose and be answered triumphantly by the cabbage.
– James Russell Lowell

Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes

And there is even a happiness that makes the heart afraid
– Unknown

Cotzaciones
Famous Sayings