Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
– Louis Hector Berlioz

Funny Quotes

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
– Robert Bloch

Tyler Hurst Quotes

“If you think it’s okay to take time off promoting your business/product, you are dead wrong, but I’d like to thank you.You’ve made it easier for the rest of us to pass you by.”

– Tyler Hurst @tdhurst in Does your industry have an off season?

Mother’s Day Quotes

Every time I find a girl who can cook like my mother–she looks like my father.
– Tony Randall

The child had his mother’s eyes, his mother’s nose, and his mother’s mouth. Which leaves his mother with a pretty blank expression.
– Robert Benchley

Mother’s Day Quotes

Mothers mold the children’s minds. Some of you have done well. There are a lot of moldy-minded kids around.
– Norm Crosby

Mother Quotes

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
– Erma Bombeck

Mother’s Day Jokes

You Know You Have Become a Mother When…

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth even though your children are at school!

You start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get so into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, “Mom, why don’t you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?”

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you’ve reached over and started to cut up his steak!

Sacrifices for a Happy Marriage

Marriage Quotes

My wife and I know we have to make a few sacrifices for our marriage to work, but the animal shelter people are beginning to get a little suspicious.

– Jerry Embry