Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
- Louis Hector Berlioz

Funny Quotes

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Labor Day

Labor Day

Labor Day differs in every essential from other holidays of the year in any country. All other holidays are in a more or less degree connected with conflict and battles of man’s prowess over man, of strife and discord for greed and power, of glories achieved by one nation over another. Labor Day is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race or nation.
- Samual Gempers

Famous Quotes – Natural

Famous Quotes – Natural

Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning.

- C.S. Lewis

Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important

- Lisa Hoffman

Famous Bible Quotes

1 Pet 2:24: He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Bible Saying

Famous Bible Verses

John 11:25: Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies;

Verse of the Day

Bible Verses

1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Daily Bible Verse

Funny Jokes – The State Mental Hospital

Funny Jokes

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done …..Your turn!)

Funny Stories

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